Category Archives: Laos

Welcome to Khouvieng Country

This week’s Family Night began with its usual trepidation and ended with us wearing the restaurant’s promotional polo shirts, jumping up and down in our own little mosh pit and singing “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi with the karaoke microphones.

In our ongoing quest to find a neighborhood joint we can call “our place,” we once again strayed from the familiar, safe comfort food of Vientiane’s western-style restaurants. A few other friends (whom we refer to as the out-of-town cousins à la the Griswolds and Cousin Eddie) joined us for the evening. Carol wouldn’t tell us where we were going, so we all met at our house and car-pooled. Well, there was just one car, so some of us crammed in the car; the others followed on motorbikes.

Carol’s eatery du jour was just off Khouvieng Road, a main artery that runs from our neck of the woods all the way to downtown. We pulled in to Khouvieng Country’s parking area, and the owner immediately came running out. He enthusiastically pumped Carol’s hand, saying, “Hello! I remember you!” She gently pointed out that they’d never met.
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Our attention swiftly turned to the karaoke system, which was belting out “I Can’t Live” by Mariah Carey. Before we could set down our bags, Nikki was already at the front, mic in hand with a small but adoring Lao audience singing along. Her biggest fan, a tipsy Lao man who was friends with the owner, hovered at our table for much of the night, buying us beers and cheering for us to take the stage.
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The restaurant’s décor was typical – lots of wood, garish fake flowers, twinkly lights, murals of traditional Lao landscapes, shiny colorful knick-knacks, etc. Unique features included battery-operated tea lights on the tables and a thatched roof overhanging the stage to create the illusion of a “sala,” the open-air little huts that dot the countryside. The staff was friendly and attentive, clearly amused by us.
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Extended family, clockwise from front left: Courtney, Carol, Tony, Nikki, lovely waitress, Olivier, Jon
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Deterred only momentarily by the all-Lao menu (none of us could read Lao script well enough to decipher it), Carol gave her usual instructions to the friendly owner: Bring us your five best dishes, preferably with no faces, bones or organs. Those turned out to be a green salad, spicy papaya salad, fried rice, barbecued chicken, and tom yam soup. The fried rice was some of the best I’ve had, with shrimp and chunks of some other savory meat I couldn’t identify. The chicken was also tasty, although the “no bones” request was blatantly ignored.

We were all a bit disappointed in the papaya salad, a local specialty that inspires a brutal sense of competition among Lao women, who all think they make it better than anyone else. Once you’ve tried homemade papaya salad prepared by a lady with something to prove, you’re bound to be let down by restaurant fare.

Anyway, it was hard to focus on the food when the guy running the karaoke system was clearly creating a song list tailor-made for the crazy expat crowd. We sounded terrible, but the Lao restaurant patrons wore huge smiles, waved their arms in the air, clapped and sang, sometimes actually getting up from their tables to deliver a microphone and push us toward the stage.

What could be more fun than eating and singing with your friends? Eating and singing in matching shirts! The restaurant owner brought out a pile of promotional polo shirts and passed them around. “Free! Free!” he said, handing out extras. “For your friends!” Tony’s first shirt was skin tight, which was awesome, but the kind owner heard our laughter and brought out a larger size.
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The shirts were like superhero costumes. Suddenly, we all thought we were rock stars, and there was no getting us off the stage. Looking at the photos, I realize now we looked like the Partridge Family.
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At one point, Carol and I pulled an older Lao lady away from her table and made her dance with us. She was a good sport and moved her mouth randomly to suggest she knew the words. There weren’t many people at the restaurant, but everyone seemed to enjoy our ridiculous display of misplaced confidence.

When we wrapped up our Bon Jovi finale, we filed out the door, waving and thanking everyone as if they had paid to see us. Best Family Night ever! Nikki says it was even the most fun she’s had in Laos so far. Khouvieng Country will be hard to top.

Here are a few more shots from our Khouvieng Country concert.

Garden Art update

Since I last blogged about Beng, our night guard/gardener, he has taken his work to a whole new level.

Discarded containers of every ilk still find themselves packed with dirt and clippings, but Beng has a new medium, as well: bamboo. He cuts the bamboo in half lengthwise, creating a natural shallow planter. With a jigsaw, he swirls out ornate finials to accent each end, and then fills the bamboo with flowering plants. For awhile it seemed there was something new and magical in our garden every day!

That’s why I like to think of him as our gARTener. Here are a few recent photos.
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Family Night – Waterside

If you’re driving north on Tha Deua, a main drag that runs parallel to the Mekong River here in Vientiane, and you want to get to our house, just turn right at the sign for Waterside Pub and Restaurant. We’ve been using that landmark for more than a year, but it never occurred to us to actually check it out – until now.

This week it was my turn to pick the Family Night restaurant, and I decided it was about time to visit Waterside. The usual gang (with the addition of Regina, a new German teacher from Switzerland) met at our house at 6:30, and we formed a motorbike convoy to the restaurant. A small Waterside sign indicated where to turn, but Carol thought the thatched-roof-hut-cum-noodle-shop next to the sign WAS the Waterside, so she slowed down and started to park. As if! We drove down the dirt road, dodging a few napping dogs, and turned in to possibly the most surprising Family Night pick so far.

Waterside was a huge venue, complete with its own “Sport Clup” and soccer field.
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Fake palm trees, lots of twinkly lights, bubbling fountains and ponds with pink water lilies created a festive atmosphere. A little stage with dangling faux flower garlands, two tall chairs and microphones suggested the possibility of (a) live music, or (b) karaoke, either of which would have been fine by me.

Only one other table was occupied, and later we deduced it was the restaurant owner and his family. Yet the furniture was new-ish and clean, and the decor was relatively classy. We’re guessing this place is hopping on the weekends.

A young man took our drink order – Beer Lao, what else? Tony declared him to be the least attractive Beer Lao Girl of all the Family Night restaurants.
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Then a sweet woman named Lee approached the table and explained that she was friends with the restaurant owner. “He doesn’t speak English, so I can help,” she said. Good thing! The whole menu was in Lao with no meaningful illustrations.

We put her in charge of ordering, encouraging her to pick five of the best dishes. We tried to express our preference for food free of faces, blood or bones, but she didn’t really understand. She told us her mother was presently on a trip to Toronto, so we hoped she might have some understanding of our western pickiness.
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Before the food arrived, I recognized the first few notes of “Hotel California” and felt the call of the stage. I climbed up one of the tall chairs and sang a few verses into the mic (which was off, much to everyone’s relief).
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Lee’s choices mostly got high marks. Although the portions were tiny, we liked the flavorful deep-fried pork, fried rice, stir-fried vegetables, and whole fish fried with tomatoes and onions. The seaweed soup was less favorably received.
I was sipping the broth when Tony said, “At least eat a potato.”
Carol and Nikki said in unison, “That’s not a potato; it’s tofu.”
“Well, I’m done with that then,” Tony said.
I like tofu, but I wasn’t thrilled with the seaweedy flavor.

Before long, a “band” showed up and played Lao music, which Carol said was out of tune. Sometimes it’s good to be tone deaf (not when you’re trying to learn a language with six distinct tones, though). Tony especially appreciated the duo’s excessive use of chimes to accentuate the sappy nature of their songs.

The verdict? Waterside would be a fun place for a big group to hang out, eat, drink and kick around a soccer ball. Next time, we’ll order more pork and less soup.
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The day that started in Laos and ended unexpectedly in Thailand

After Saturday night’s Loi Ga Thong adventure, I had mixed feelings about venturing back in to town for the boat racing on Sunday. I hated to be the kind of expat who sits in her comfy air-conditioned house, cut off from the culture of her host country. That was me at this time last year. But I also hated the thought of fighting the crowds for a glimpse of the river, even though I knew a few ladies who would be competing.

Around 7 a.m. Tony and I rode into town for breakfast. After eating, we tentatively walked toward the river and found it relatively deserted so early in the morning. We discovered the tiered concrete observation area, where people were just beginning to gather. We watched a few races, unsure if they were officially part of the competition or merely warming up for the real events. I decided I had fulfilled my vow to watch the races in person and happily headed home before the crowds got unnerving.

Back at the house, I turned on the computer to upload photos and do a little blogging. I figured I should also print off our e-tickets and hotel reservation for our trip to Phuket, Thailand, the next day.

When I opened the email with our hotel reservation, I looked at the check-in date and then looked at today’s date on my laptop. They were the same. That meant our flight was today. TODAY. Panic set in. Deep inhale. Deep exhale. I frantically looked for our e-ticket. Anxiety made me stupid, and our slow internet connection only exacerbated my desperation. Did I make the reservation through my Yahoo account or my school email account? I toggled back and forth between the two tabs, tapping my finger on the table uncontrollably as the blue bar crept slowly across the screen indicating the pages might open eventually.

When I finally found the e-ticket, I froze. I had been certain that we were flying on Monday, but the e-ticket showed our flight was at 4:55 p.m. Sunday. Again, TODAY. That wouldn’t be such a big deal if we were flying from Vientiane, but I had saved big bucks by booking our ticket out of Udon Thani, Thailand. The Friendship Bridge to Thailand is just 19 kilometers from our house, and Udon Thani is only one hour from there. Kham, a kind Lao guy who works in the IT Department at school, had agreed to drive us there TOMORROW.

Tony came down the stairs just as I was processing the realization that we had to leave ASAP. He turned right around and went upstairs to pack. I alternated between calm problem-solving mode and absolute panic.

I tried to call Kham but got no answer. I then called another teacher for suggestions and found out that we could catch an airport taxi at the bridge, but first we had to GET to the bridge. I ran outside and scanned the street, but there were none of the usual parked tuk-tuks. I found a card for a driver who had taken me to the Vientiane airport in the past. He said he was unavailable, but his friend could drive us to the Udon Thani airport for 2,500 Thai Baht, almost $100. What else could I do? So I arranged for him to pick us up in 20 minutes.

I ran around the house like a maniac, shoving armfuls of underwear in a duffel, putting dirty dishes in the sink, hanging wet laundry on the line, standing dumbly in the bathroom with no memory of how to pack a toiletry bag. I accomplished very little.

Finally, Kham returned my call. “I’m such an idiot!” I cried. “Our flight is today, not tomorrow!”

“It’s OK,” he said. “I’m free. I can be there in 30 minutes.” Is he awesome, or what? I called to cancel the taxi and then tried to calm down enough to pack. I didn’t really succeed in getting calm, but I did manage to pack with some sense of logic.

Tony and I both felt terribly uncomfortable asking Kham for a ride in the first place. He’s a lovely guy, but we don’t know him very well. I have met his Thai wife, and I knew they frequently crossed the border to Udon Thani, her hometown. So I had said to Kham, “IF you’re going to Udon ANYWAY on Monday, can we catch a ride to the airport?” I emphasized that I didn’t want him to make a special trip for us, but he insisted that it wouldn’t be a problem. And now here we were, asking him to drop everything and take us on short notice.

Nearly an hour passed, and there was still no sight of Kham. When I called him, he confirmed what we had suspected. The festival had created a traffic nightmare. By now, there was no guarantee we would make it to the airport on time. We couldn’t predict how long it would take to cross the border. I’ve gotten through in a few minutes on my bike, but I’ve also waited for two hours when I rode in a van with other teachers.

Fortunately, Kham was an old hand at the border and even knew many of the immigration officials on both sides of the bridge. We had to stop twice – leaving Laos and entering Thailand – but both times, he pulled right up to the front of the line, took our passports and paperwork and returned shortly with the stamps. He could sense my anxiety, and he kept saying, “There is a lot of time. Don’t worry!”

Sure enough, we made it to Udon Thani with time for a quick lunch at McDonald’s. He dropped us at the airport and even came in to make sure everything was OK. It was. And it still is. Thanks to Kham, we are in paradise for the next few days, and we can relax at last.

Loi Ka Thong – looking for peace in all the wrong places

One glimpse of the crowds at last year’s Boat Racing Festival was enough to send me straight home, where I watched the dragonboat races on TV. Later I regretted being such a coward. I vowed to step out of my comfort zone this year to experience one of Laos’ most highly-anticipated celebrations.

The holiday, which is tied to the lunar calendar, fell on a weekend this year. The boat races were scheduled for Sunday, and the Buddhist ritual of Loi Ka Thong would take place Saturday night.

I arranged to join some Lao friends for Loi Ka Thong. Websites, such as Laos Guide 999, set the stage for a tranquil, holy tradition.

Boun Awk Phansa is the last day of the Buddhist lent. It occurs in October, three lunar months after Khao Phansa on the 15th day of the 11th month of the lunar calendar. It is a day of many celebrations, most notably the boat race festival held in Vientiane.
On the first day at dawn, donations and offerings are made at temples around the country; in the evening, candlelight processions are held around the temples and it is the celebration of lai heua fai or Loi ka thong, when everyone sends small lighted ‘boats’ made of banana stems or banana leaves decorated with candles and flowers down the rivers.
These are said to pay respect to the Buddha and to thank the mother of rivers for providing water for our lives. Some believe that the lai heua fai procession is an act to pay respect to nagas that lives in the rivers, while others send the lighted boats down the river to ask for blessing and to float bad luck of the past year away enabling the good luck to flow in. Most towns with a river bank nearby will engage in this lovely ceremony. In bigger towns there are also processions of lighted boats, and the ceremony is more popular especially among young romantic couples. Villagers who live far from rivers set up model boats (made of banana stems) decorated with flowers and candlelight, while others simply light up some candles in front of their houses and do their little prayer wishing for good luck. This colorful rituals have been carried on by Lao people for thousands of years.

We were going to visit a temple, purchase a banana-leaf Ka Thong boat, join the procession to the Mekong and set sail our little boats after blessing the river and asking forgiveness for any eco-wrong-doings.

But first, we had to meet for Indian food in the heart of the festival chaos. The river road in downtown Vientiane was cut off from traffic and lined with stalls selling all sorts of wares usually purchased at a supermarket (and at the same prices). Massive speakers faced off, blaring what I can only assume were the qualities of the shampoo, toilet paper, cooking oil, or other products for sale at that particular stall. Vendors without a swanky audio system used static-y megaphones to promote the free samples, which flowed like … well, like juice, milk, whiskey, beer, soda and hand lotion. Complementing the cacophony, loudspeakers pounded out a steady bass beat with no discernable melody.

Tony and I parked where we always do, a few blocks from the action at Nam Phu Fountain, and then dove in to the melee. At this point, the river road was crowded but not unbearable. With so many storefronts blocked by the stalls, we occasionally had to pause to get our bearings. Finally we found the restaurant, Nazim, and scoffed at the option to eat outside. We eagerly plopped down at an indoor table, happy for a break from the noise (although we really couldn’t escape from the pulsing beat, which created ripples in our water glasses and reverberated through our bodies).

Soon we were joined by Lao friends Lae and Mai (and Mai’s friend, Khanha), as well as our school librarian, Jeannete, and her husband, Basim. I enjoyed the meal and the company, but I was itching to experience Loi Ka Thong.

Jeannete got a call during dinner from some cyclists riding through Laos. “We’re here!” they told her. She and Basim participate in an online organization that finds spare beds for people bicycling around the world. So they had to dash home. Tony also took off (and then came back to retrieve his keys, which he’d left on the table). Finally, the rest of the girls were ready to go.

I made the classic expat faux pas of assuming that because my friends were Lao, they certainly must know how this tradition works. Unfortunately, after wandering aimlessly for a while, I discovered that was not the case. Lae admitted she hadn’t participated in Loi Ka Thong since she was in high school. Mai said her family lived too far from the river, and they only had one bicycle, so participating in the ritual at the Mekong wasn’t feasible.

We ducked in to Wat Ong Teu, only to find we had missed the temple’s procession. Several monks were sitting behind a large table lined with metal bowls. Mai explained that you make a donation, collect a little plate of tiny coins and then drop one coin in each of the 99 bowls to ask for blessings. Cool. Of course, I was chatting the whole time I did it, so I kept losing track of where I had dropped my coins. “Is it bad karma to skip a bowl or to drop in more than one coin?” I asked. They just laughed at me.

Back on the river road, the crowd had reached maximum capacity. We slowly shuffled upstream as the Mekong River – blocked from our vision by market stalls, inflated bouncy castles, towering loudspeakers, and thousands of other pilgrims – rushed past us in the other direction. We reached one access point to the river, where a mob had bottlenecked with their Ka Thongs. The thought of joining them made my heart sink.

Lae received a call from Addie, who told us to keep walking. “It’s much less crowded up by the Mekong River Commission,” she said. And so we did. As we stumbled along, Lae shouted to me, “Now you see why I never do this!”

Eventually, we caught up with Addie, and sure enough, there was room to breathe. Addie had made her own Ka Thong (and many more, which she distributed to family members), so the rest of us purchased some from a vendor. Then we walked across a muddy stretch, descended some steep steps, scrambled down large wobbly rocks to the river’s edge and stepped on to a slippery floating dock. With my long temple-appropriate skirt tangling around my legs, camera dangling from my neck and one hand carrying my Ka Thong like a pizza, I felt quite relieved to make it that far in one piece.

The girls helped me light the candles and a sparkler on my Ga Thong, and then we each took turns offering a blessing to the river and asking forgiveness before reaching down to release our little boats. The strong current immediately swept them away, and the lights quickly blended together in the darkness.

Dripping with sweat, shaking from the treacherous climb back up to the river road, and still reeling from crowd-induced anxiety, I thanked my lovely friends for sharing their tradition with me. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, but I had the same experience as thousands of Lao people on this holy day, and that’s exactly what I had wanted.

It’s still early, and the crowds are thin.
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Ka Thongs for sale.
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At Wat Ong Teu.
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Back at the river road, it’s getting pretty busy.
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Finally, we meet up with Addie and enjoy a little elbow room.
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Trekking down to the Mekong.
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Lanterns in the sky, Ka Thongs in the water.
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Mai says a little prayer before releasing her Ka Thong.
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If you have a job that causes harm to the river, you must send out a bigger offering such as this.
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I couldn’t hold the camera steady on the bobbing dock, but I like this shot anyway.
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Boat Racing Festival Preview

Boat Racing Festival, which marks the end of Buddhist Lent, is still a week away, but the banks of the Mekong are already teeming with excitement. Carol and I took a little stroll this morning to see the dragon boat teams train on the river.

After more than five years in Asia, why did I still envision watching the action from a quiet riverside bench? Silly me. This should have been a tip-off.
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There were, in fact, some people hanging out and watching the boats…
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… but the biggest attractions were on land. Food vendors, carnival games, and street stalls hawking all sorts of wares competed for space along the muddy path.
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One temple had converted its grounds into a kiddie park, complete with a massive inflated bouncy castle/slide and a few rides.
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We wandered into another temple, where carnival chaos reigned. Even the tiniest festival-goers threw darts at balloons, fired slingshot ammunition and tennis balls at soda bottles and aimed BB guns at matchboxes. At the same time, families and monks ate lunch in the temple’s ornate worship hall. Surely there’s some deep meaning lurking in the carney atmosphere juxtaposed against the ancient temple architecture.
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Shoppers on the river path had a wealth of options: mountains of clothes, bras, hair accessories, shoes, cheap plastic toys, etc. But cartoon balloons and toy guns seemed to be today’s top sellers.

These toy packages cracked me up. I love that the “Kitchen Playset” includes a hot chick in go-go boots, a stovetop cooker, four enormous sea creatures, two relatively small chairs, and various cooking implements, and the “Newfangled Series Tableware” offers up a plate of grubs with ice cream for dessert.
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Feeling peckish? With so many snacking options, it may be hard to choose.
Chicken feet?
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A bag of tiny speckled eggs?
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Unidentified deep-fried balls?
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Stinky flattened squid?
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Bamboo stuffed with sweetened sticky rice?
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Spicy papaya salad?
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No, thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you.
Hmmm, OK.
Yes, please!

I can’t believe I missed out on all this last year. I was such a baby. And this is just the beginning. Can’t wait to see the REAL festival next weekend!

Mutant Ninja Gecko

Last night I had a terrifying encounter with this freakish beast.
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After eating KFC (Khouvieng Fried Chicken) and hanging out with us for awhile, our friend Carol was heading home. Tony opened the kitchen door, and this bizarre gecko came zipping in. It was unlike any gecko I’ve seen, and I’ve seen about a gazillion of them. About five inches long, it sported a massive head that was out of proportion with its skinny body, and its gait lacked the fluid speed of its ubiquitous cousins. When it dashed across the kitchen floor, its hind end swiveled sending the back legs into an exaggerated swing with each quick step.

As we laughed at its high-stepping trot up the cupboard, the gecko took refuge under our countertop convection oven. Carol speculated that it was a baby version of the gargantuan geckos that generally stay hidden and call out their ghostly high-pitched synthesizer voices: “GECK-oh, GECK-oh.”

Every day, geckos scramble up the walls and across the ceilings, pop out from behind curtains and furniture, appear in our shoes and bath towels, and otherwise cohabitate with us. Recently I got a little surprise when one jumped out of the toilet paper roll as I was pulling off a strip. We generally find them whimsical and amusing.

However, the mutant gecko in our kitchen looked like it was up to no good, so we decided to put it back outside. Carol and I scooted the convention oven out of the way and stared, wondering how to catch the little guy. She suggested using the metal salad tongs. I grabbed the tongs and gently clamped the gecko. As soon as I did, it turned and opened its huge mouth with a horrifying hiss. Carol and I shrieked, grabbed each other and instinctively backed away.

Final Score:
Mutant Gecko – 1
The Dents – 0

Carol went home, and we bolted the kitchen door and went to bed to dream of comically disproportionate reptiles lurking behind our kitchen appliances.

Here’s a video Carol took of the rescue attempt.

Family Night – Pinky Beef Pot

After the grilled duck faces at our first Family Night dinner, our little posse lost some of its enthusiasm for the village restaurants. However, we didn’t give up. Surely we could find a local joint to call “our place.”

The week after Anna Grilled Duck, it was Tony’s turn to pick an eatery. He chose Europe Steak House, which actually doesn’t serve any food from Europe. Your steak options are (a) Lao, which is both cheap and chewy, or (b) New Zealander, which is expensive and worth it. The next week, Carol got to choose a place, but she broke the keep-it-local rule. In honor of her birthday, she opted to go downriver and upscale so we ate Mekong-side at The Spirit House.

Last week, Nikki hit the jackpot with Pinky Beef Pot.
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Our school director, Greg, had sent his wife and in-laws off to Luang Prabang, so he bravely tagged along with us. We tentatively ventured in – past the wall mural of people eating at Pinky Beef Pot, past the Christmas garland and Santa poster, past the bar and requisite Beer Lao fridge – and stepped down into a garden. Twinkly lights draped the trees, and crockery pots on miniature grills boiled on each colorful table. Lao families and couples looked up to check out the “falang” entourage.

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A waitress in a Beer Lao uniform approached our table. Almost every restaurant in Vientiane has waitresses dressed in Beer Lao uniforms, so we assumed she would take our order.
“Beer Lao,” she said.
A quick survey around the table, and we asked for two big bottles of Beer Lao and two bottles of water.
“Beer Lao,” she said again, implying that she was ONLY taking our Beer Lao order. Another waiter dashed over to fill our request for non-beer beverages.

As usual, we weren’t sure about the protocol. The menu featured English labels and lots of pictures, so we ordered beef, pork, fried rice and glass “noondles.” We started to order some veggies, but the waitress pointed to the menu artwork of the meat, which was – sure enough – accompanied by a picture of greens. Ahhh, the meat comes with vegetables, we deduced.

I’m not sure how an egg differs from a healthy egg or why eggs are listed on the vegetable page.
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Like magic, our table was suddenly packed with two hot pots, plates of thinly sliced meat, ramekins of sauce and chopped chilis, bowls of fried rice, and baskets of leafy vegetables, garlic and onions. We dropped the meat and veggies into the steaming pots, which we think contained a mixture of water, oil and spices.
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Then we sat back and waited. A waitress whisked away all our empties and told us to let everything cook for five minutes (although it took a lot of body language and apparently unintelligible Lao language from me to get this tip).
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The Beer Lao girl broke character momentarily to encourage ample servings of sauce with each bite. That turned out to be good advice; the nutty sauce mixed with chopped chilis perfectly complemented the hot pot concoction.

At one point, we realized we were singing along to the music, a fun mix of Top 40 from the 80s and 90s. For us? Almost certainly. After awhile, the speakers resumed the usual blaring of traditional Lao tunes and Thai pop songs.

As we were leaving, a cute little girl hollered for our attention and then demonstrated her Lao dance moves. Just like we saw so often in Turkey, the young girls in Laos learn traditional dances from their mothers, sisters and aunties early on.
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We took a poll and gave Pinky Beef Pot high marks for service, food and ambience. And then Tony delivered the pièce de résistance: There was ice cream on the menu! Lao people generally don’t “do” dessert. You can get yummy sweets at the western restaurants, but you can’t plan on an after-dinner treat at most local places. When the waiter brought out real parfait glasses with scoops of real ice cream, we all felt a little giddy.

This happy family says, “Thanks, Pinky!”
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Audio Torture

On a warm breezy weekend morning, I love eating breakfast in the shade of our mango tree with a big mug of coffee and a good book.

Make that past tense – LOVED. Last winter construction began on a house next door, and it was loud. Really, really loud. All the time. Sitting outside was not just unpleasant; it was unbearable. Even indoors, the noise was sometimes so obnoxious that we had to turn on the A/C just to drown it out. Finally, the new house – with its ridiculous baroque ornamentation – was finished. Peace at last. I managed to enjoy a few weekends of outdoor noshing and reading before we left for the States in June.

Upon returning to Vientiane in early August, we were shocked and dismayed to discover the new house now seems to operate a woodworking business. From about 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. Every. Single. Day.

Some days, when I am exhausted from school or cranky from all the rain or frustrated by a cultural impasse and all I want in the whole world is some tranquility, that sound … that incessant SOUND … can trigger the mother of all meltdowns. My nerves are shot. My eyes ache from holding back the tears. My shoulders hunch up around my ears. If I knew any state secrets, I would spill them. Just make it stop.

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your na-a-ame … and they’re always glad you ca-a-ame

Last year Daeng cooked dinners for us three nights a week. She usually prepared so much food that we could eat leftovers for lunch. This year she wanted to go back to school to study English, and of course we wanted to support her (big eye roll). So we kept her salary the same but cut her hours to half-time. Now she only cooks once a week, and the rest of the time Tony and I feel like hunter-gatherers. We never really know where our next meal will come from.

With no car, shopping for groceries is a bit of a challenge. We generally buy one backpack full at a time. That’s one excuse for not making a weekly menu, buying food and cooking at home. We could also whine about the inconvenience of buying produce at the fresh market and other supplies at the corner store, which likely will be out of whatever we need, forcing us to visit other shops in town. But, in all honesty, our biggest excuse involves an amalgamation of ennui, laziness, exhaustion, sweat and empty pockets. We’re simply shattered at the end of the day, and it’s strangely more expensive to cook at home for the two of us than it is to eat out.

So here it is Monday night, and I haven’t eaten a meal in my own house (other than a little fruit and yogurt for breakfast a couple times and a delivery pizza) since Daeng cooked fried rice last Tuesday.

We live about 15 minutes by motorbike from the center of Vientiane, where most decent restaurants are found. Our village, Thongkang, is not exactly a dining mecca. Nevertheless, our new friend, Carol, (Canadian chemistry teacher and fellow Thongkang resident) had the brilliant idea to try a different local eatery each week. Tony reluctantly agreed to participate, and another new friend, Nikki (Canadian counselor and resident of adjoining Sokpaluang village) signed on, as well.

Thursday night the four of us ventured around the corner to Anna Grilled Duck. A skinny guy wearing a face mask and grilling duck parts by the side of the road gestured us in to the restaurant garden, where we parked the motorbikes.
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The restaurant comprised several “salas” – which are thatch-roofed wall-less huts, each with a low table and cushions. Tony balked at the idea of sitting cross-legged on a cushion for an entire meal, so we bypassed the salas and found a regular table with chairs. A fish with an abnormally large head watched us from its tank, while a bird in a cage chattered nearby.
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The waitress brought one menu with English translations.
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Placenta soup? No thanks. We ordered four ducks and some Beer Lao. I walked around the peaceful garden area to snap a few photos while we waited. The meat on the grill should have been a tip-off. Yep, that’s duck feet on the left, duck faces on the right, and unidentifiable duck bits on the back.

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Soup soon arrived at the table. What kind? Who knows? Spring onions, various veggies and the requisite coagulated blood cubes floated in a clear broth. Carol was the only one brave enough to suck down a blood cube. She said it tasted like tofu.
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Finally a small plate of duck chunks arrived at the table. It was like the cook put on a blindfold and went wacko with a cleaver. The pieces were random sizes and full of bones, so it was quite a chore to get a substantial mouthful of meat. What little I did get was quite tasty, though.

Tony was grateful for all the TP on the table.
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We felt certain that more duck was coming, so we waited and waited until we nearly gnawed off our own arms. Carol eventually ordered a few more plates of duck. This time, the pieces were a bit more recognizable. I was about to nibble on one piece when I realized it was the duck’s bill. In fact, we had a whole plate of faces!
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Nikki kisses a duck.
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So Anna Grilled Duck was a bust. We all went back to our house and gorged on some Doritos and Oreos.
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Next week: Mr. Khampeng’s Grilled Goat. Or maybe not.