I just finished the book Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s all about her desperation to come to peace with the concept of marriage after her Brazilian boyfriend gets deported. If they wanted to stay in the States, getting married was the only option. Although I loved her previous book – Eat, Pray, Love – I just couldn’t get excited about the topic of marriage. But I gave it a whirl. And it was a fun little ride.
She details the history of marriage, pointing out that the Christian church initially denounced it! Who knew? Lots of other nebulous little tidbits were tucked in every chapter.
Perhaps the most shocking section for me was found on page 128. Gilbert crafted a list of her worst character flaws to ensure her boyfriend entered into the union fully informed. I was lounging on the sofa with Tony at the time I read this page, so when I gasped with horror, he asked, “What?” I read him the list and he nearly went into convulsions with laughter. There was no denying that Gilbert’s most horrible character flaws were also MY most horrible character flaws. I couldn’t have articulated my own faults any more clearly. One of them – #3 – really hit the nail on the head.
Here it is, as written by Gilbert to her fiance:

(3) I have far more enthusiasm in life than I have actual energy. In my excitement, I routinely take on more than I can physically or emotionally handle, which causes me to break down in quite predictable displays of dramatic exhaustion. You will be the one burdened with the job of mopping me up every time I’ve overextended myself and then fallen apart. This will be unbelievably tedious. I apologize in advance.

Yikes! When I read #3 out loud, Tony was in hysterics. As I write this, he is actually across the street getting a massage. I am feeling too stressed out to get a massage.
“Wouldn’t a massage help?” he asked on his way out the door.
Big eyeroll with accompanying sigh. “No,” I said, a bit frantically. “I have to ride my bike 100 kilometers tomorrow! It’s all I can think about.”
Another big eyeroll, from Tony this time.
See what he has to deal with on a regular basis.
Yeah, I do tend to jump on every opportunity that: (a) offers a chance to meet people, (b) makes me aim for a goal, (c) teaches me a new skill or hones existing skills, (d) lets me see a new part of the world, (e) involves friends, wine and music, and well, let’s face it, this list could go on forever.
That’s why I’m training for a 3-day bike ride with Team Dai to raise money for three local charities.
That’s why I’m obsessively reading in all my spare time to meet the 100+ Book Reading Challenge.
That’s why I’m launching and moderating a blog for the fifth grade’s 8-week PYP Exhibition unit.
That’s why I agreed to help out a Lao friend of a friend who has a translation business and needs editing support.
That’s why I’m attending after-school rehearsals each week to prepare for a dramatic reading of “Under Milkwood” by Dylan Thomas.
It all seems ridiculous and overwhelming, and as my doppelganger Gilbert pointed out, I do occasionally go off the deep end. Last night, I actually slept for the first time all week.
And yet, there’s nothing I would give up. I want it all. And I can have it all because I have Tony to prop me back up when my brain and body scream out, “No, you absolutely can NOT have it all, you big dummy!” and I collapse in a sobbing heap on the living room floor.
Which brings me back to marriage, the topic of my latest read. As Gilbert discovered through her research (both scholarly and informal), marriage is no walk in the park. She makes plenty of arguments for NOT doing it. But if you’re lucky enough to find someone who will put up with #3 – not only put up with it, but actually kind of like it – then I guess you’ve got to stick with him.

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