On the recommendation of our divemaster Alex, we booked a day of rock climbing with a local outfitter called Phat Tire.

According to the Phat Tire website:

Marble Mountain is 25 km (15 miles) away from Hoi An to the North, and stands out from the landscape as majestic granite mountains adjacent to the shore. It was rumored that this was an eggshell of the dragon king left behind after the birth of a beautiful princess. At the beginning of the 19th century, King Gia Long, when passing by this region, named these mountains after the five elements: Metal, Wood, Water, Fire and Earth.

Uncharacteristically, I did a pathetic job of researching Hoi An before we got here. I mean, I really didn’t research anything. So I had no idea what to expect at Marble Mountain. I figured we’d strap on our harnesses, play around on some limestone rock formations and call it a day.

We climbed up a LOT of stairs (which were, in fact, marble) and then sat on a ledge with a LOT of tourists while our guides, Tinh and Khanh, sorted out the equipment. As we waited, I walked around the site a bit, checking out a grotto with a Buddha statue. From another spot, I could see the beach. Very pretty, but nothing that seemed to justify the throngs of visitors.

In all, I went up the rock five times on four different routes. The first was a “warm-up” climb, which was actually quite tricky; nevermind the “piece of cake” comment tossed out by a passing climb guide. The handholds on these karst formations were essentially serrated knifes carved into the rock. By the end of the day, my hands were shredded.

Chalky hands!

My crowning moment was mastering a 28-meter (91-foot), grade 5.9 climb, which may seem wussy to some of you, but whatever. I climb MAYBE once a year, and my body is trained for yoga and teaching English, not pulling my lard-ass up some big rock face. Oh, did I mention there were freakin’ cacti in my path? Yeah, I nearly got impaled. So give me some props, people!

Anyway, it was super fun. I loved it. LOVED it. I really need to do this more often.

A couple notes:

(a) Khanh served us lunch – baguettes with a selection of peanut butter, soft cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and liverwurst, as well as a variety of fresh fruit. As he prepared the feast, I asked him for all the Vietnamese words and tried to reproduce them (badly, apparently, judging by Khanh’s reaction). Tony and I nearly choked on our bananas when Khanh prepared his own sandwich with EVERYTHING on it. Yes, peanut butter and cheese and liverwurst. But, hey, to each his own.

(b) Marble Mountain is – wait for it – legendary! I had no idea! After we finished climbing, Khanh took us around to some of the caves and grottoes. Remember I mentioned that grotto with a Buddha statue? Tourists kept climbing up there and taking FOREVER to come back down. I couldn’t imagine what they were doing. Well, there was another passageway behind the Buddha, and we climbed up on top of the “mountain” for a spectacular view of the sea. Who knew?! Then Khanh took us to Dong Huyen Khong (still on Marble Mountain). We stepped tentatively down into the darkness, turned a corner and encountered a cloud of sweet incense before realizing the narrow walkway opened into a huge cave lit by sunlight streaming through holes at the top. People lit candles and prayed at several Buddhist shrines, and a massive Buddha carved out of the wall stared down from above. We also visited the smaller Dong Linh Nham cave, which featured several Buddhist shrines and offerings to ancestors.

At the base of Marble Mountain, we encountered shop after shop selling enormous statuary carved from marble and other stone. Tony clearly wanted to buy one of these lions, but our shipping allowance to India simply wouldn’t cover it.

Marble Mountain map.