There’s nothing like a wedding to offer foreigners a glimpse into the local culture. Despite lots of begging, none of my Lao girlfriends seemed inclined to get hitched just to ensure I could attend a wedding before leaving for India. I was getting concerned. Then Johnny, our primary school Lao teacher, secretly announced her engagement (although she waited till about 10 days out to distribute the invitations).

The wedding reception was last night, and here are some highlights:

Wedding Crashers
I caught a ride with my friend Eric and his two kids, Jasmine and Ty. Their mom had coached basketball all day and was too tired come. Eric picked me up and drove the short distance to the reception hall. As we approached our destination, the road was clogged with wedding-goers in search of parking. We finally found a spot but had to walk for awhile (which was unpleasant in my awesome party shoes).

We walked toward the entrance, where a large portrait of the bride and groom stood on display. Family members posed proudly, ready to greet us. As we prepared to enter, I took another look at the portrait and said, “Hey, that’s not Johnny!” Lao brides get a serious makeover on wedding day, so sometimes they are hard to recognize. Eric perused the picture for quite a while before he believed that we were at the wrong wedding. We all cracked up and then saw another wedding portrait at another entrance, so we wandered over to that one. Again, wrong couple. By then, we were in hysterics.

Finally, we walked around the corner and found a portrait of Johnny and her new husband, Kaisone, so we knew we were at the right wedding.

Wrong wedding #1.

Wrong wedding #2.

Right wedding!

An Impromptu Toast
Last week in the staffroom, Johnny asked if I would speak at her wedding, which was in TWO DAYS. Thanks for the advance notice! She explained that a man would give a long blessing in Lao, and then I would explain what he said in English.

“Johnny, I can’t do that!” I said, pointing out that my Lao language was limited to buying mangoes at the street stalls. There was no way I could translate a wedding speech. “If you write out what you want me to say, then I could do it.” She said she would “try” to write it down for me.

When I got to the reception last night, she and her new husband were greeting everyone at the door. Johnny grabbed my hand. “I didn’t write it down,” she said.
Aaaaarrrrgggghhh!
“Just give a blessing to the bride and groom, thank everyone for coming, and then tell them to eat dinner and enjoy the dancing,” she said.
I asked how I would know when to do the announcement, but she brushed off my concern.

Not one to shirk from the spotlight, I was happy to take the stage, but I felt nervous about when to do it. When the wedding party lined up in front of the stage and a man started a very long speech, I grabbed a Lao friend named Not and made her accompany me to the front of the room. She waited till the man’s speech was wrapping up, and then she sent me up on the stage.

I thanked Not for helping me, and she said, “I’m your bodyguard!” We had a big laugh over that because she is the tiniest bodyguard you ever saw.

My bodyguard and me.

I gave a quick little toast and then received cheers and looks of adulation from the crowd as I wove my way back to my table.

The happy couple.

Dancing Queens
For my Lao friends, the highlight of any wedding seems to be the dancing. They don’t just get down and funky like we westerners do. It’s very structured. “Phon” is like a line dance with the same steps repeated over and over. There seem to be a jillion different “phons,” which the Lao people learn by watching DVDs or practicing with their friends. I was truly way too stupid to figure it out. My friend Mai gave me a quick lesson during one “phon,” so I managed to do the simple kick-kick-step-step-turn.

Carol had the moves, but she couldn’t resist cutting loose occasionally.

The Couple’s First Dance
Johnny and Kaisone took the floor for their first dance, but they looked like awkward eighth graders at homecoming. My friend Addie told me to push them together, which seemed inappropriate, but of course I did it anyway.

Other Random Shots
The reception hall.

One of the singers.

Some of my Lao homies.

What a fascinating experience!